D - The English Corner Mafia

Almost every Chinese university is blessed with a variety of clubs known as "English Corner". English Corner consists of university students and ambitious locals (who may not be attending the school) that want to practice their English. The idea is that people can come and speak in an informal environment. All you do at an English Corner is just chat. Many universities in China consider this to be a formal part of a foreign teacher's job. Thus, English Corner responsibilities are written into the work contract and the teacher is obligated to go to English Corner every week. For C and I however, there is no such stipulation. All and any English Corner visits are from the goodness of our hearts as we take pity on the under-Englished masses of China.

Or at least that's how it seemed until this week. Then we met the English Corner Mafia. Last semester, C and I had avoided English Corner. You see, teaching students here can be mentally exhausting. You spend 90 minutes trying to rip English from the mouths of students who are too shy or too english-inept. Consider an analogy for Oral English: I get the mental picture of a dentist, putting his feet on a patient's chest, while trying to yank out a particularly stubborn molar that needs extraction. There are of course, successes when we get students talking and have some brief satisfaction, but more often we keep our pliers handy. Silence is truly golden.

Despite such frustrations, we did go to an English Corner last Fall. Essentially students (usually at least 10-15 per teacher, sometimes more) gather around the foreign English teachers in a massive huddle and they ask the same questions over and over again. Where are you from? What do you think of China? Why did you choose Dalian? How do you think of Taiwan? Do you love NBA? Who is your favorite NBA player? Do you like Yao Ming? And on and on it goes. Of course we try to ask students questions as well, but that often creates awkward silences for the students that lack English ability and they are inevitably interrupted by some English star who wants to move on to a discussion of Western movies.

For the first 30 minutes or so, I greatly enjoyed English Corner. It was a good time to get to know the students and learn about their backgrounds. After awhile I found it to be a drag. C had a better time although she shares my frustrations. She has a strong sense of obligation, so she returned to English Corner the next several weeks until the end of the year. Now in the second semester, we received an email from the English Corner coordinator inviting us back. C went the first week, and she was swarmed because there were only two foreign teachers there. She was the only white teacher though, the other was our friend M who is a Chinese-American that teaches here. Needless to say that a 20-something girl with blonde hair and blue eyes was more of a sensation than a 60-something Chinese man.

Well, this week on Wednesday night we were invited out to dinner by our friends from Canada, L and T. So C decided to give English Corner a raincheck. She even sent text messages to students telling her she couldn't make it. We went out and had a nice dinner at our favorite local Chinese place ("The One with the Blue Steps"). We returned and within about 20 minutes there was a knock at the door. I opened it and there were two Chinese students who wanted to come in. One of them was A, who C had gotten to know last year at English Corner. They came in and described the pitiable conditions of that night's Corner. Only 3 foreign teachers came and they *GASP* only stayed for about an hour, and then they left. C usually gets roped in to staying for 2 or 3 hours! The students wanted to make sure that C had not permanently forsaken the Corner. They were incredibly emphatic that she come next week and practically bullied her into it. I was personally appalled. C said that they are "a little needy". I'll say! "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME? WILL YOU COME AGAIN? PLEASE COME NEXT WEEK." Believe it or not, it's not our moral duty to go to English Corner. But that wasn't all. About an hour later, a different student called C to again confirm she would come next week. Then this girl tried to keep her on the phone to practice her English.

You know, it's really a shame how things work out. In class, students are very shy and don't take chances to learn English. Then at English Corner, people are almost rabid in their desire to learn and practice. It's ironic and a little sad that the people who most want to learn never seem to be in our classes. But I also think it was inappropriate how the students stalked us to try and ensure C would be at English Corner next week. Of course such pressure is always wrapped politely in China but it felt like extortion to me. I'm sure the next time we need a student's help they will say..."Of course, but someday....I may ask you to do me a favor...."

And the favor will inevitably involve English Corner.

I love Yao Ming

D - Parody of a Chinese Student Interviewing with an American Company

I wrote this faux dialogue to help my students understand what NOT to do if they interview with a Western company. It's intended to be ridiculous. Believe it or not, there are some students that might actually do some of these things...

Interviewer: Good morning, my name is Mark and I’m a manager here at Dell Computers in Dalian.
Student: Good morning, nice to meet you, I’m <> but you can call me <>.
Interviewer: Okay, great, good to meet you too. Let’s get started with the interview. First, I’d like to know what your major is at Dalian Maritime University, and why you chose that major.
Student: My major is <>, and I picked it because I didn’t really know what else to choose.
Interviewer: Uh, okay, I see. Well, why are you interested in working for Dell Computers?
Student: Dell is a very famous American company, so I think I want work here.
Interviewer: Yes, Dell is very well known in the world, but I want to understand your interest in our company. We like to hire people who have a strong passion for computers and helping our customers. How do you feel about the computer industry?
Student: I like computers. On the weekend, I usually play World of Warcraft all day long. How do you think about Warcraft?
Interviewer: I don’t really want to talk about hobbies right now, I want to understand why you are a good fit for Dell. Tell me about your favorite class that you’ve taken at the university.
Student: My favorite class is Oral English with my foreign teacher, D.
Interviewer: Interesting - Your spoken English is very good.
Student: Oh, no it’s not. My English is very poor.
Interviewer: No, really, I am pretty impressed with your English.
Student: Sorry, my English is really terrible. But I like my English class because my teacher never gives me any homework, and I think foreigners are very funny. They do many strange things. Especially Americans like D.
Interviewer: Okay, let’s discuss something else. Why should Dell hire you? What qualities do you bring to the table?
Student: Which table?
Interviewer: Uh, it’s just an expression in English. What I mean is, tell me about your strengths, how you can help Dell.
Student: I will work very hard. I will do whatever you tell me.
Interviewer: We do like team players at Dell, but we also want people who can think for themselves. What goals do you have for this job, if you are hired?
Student: I want to make money. Then I will marry a beautiful Chinese girl and I will have a son. Do you like Chinese girl?
Interviewer: Sorry, that’s not really an appropriate question. I think I have learned everything about you that I need to know. Do you have anything else you want to say?
Student: Do you think China and Taiwan are one?
Interviewer: I beg your pardon?
Student: I want to know your opinion on Taiwan.
Interviewer: I don’t think that’s relevant to this position. But thank you very much for your time. We will be in touch.

C - Net Nanny says...

We're blocked in China again! We can post entries in China but we can't read them... Arrgh.

D - Keeping It Real

We have now completed two weeks of our 18 week semester here in DMU's spring semester. Both C and I had a tough time moving from full time vacation for two months to the partial vacation that we have while teaching. The two of us have different causes for our frustrations. C, never one to impose her will, did not request anything specific from the English department in terms of classes. Her reward was a full complement of maritime engineering students, who are either starry-eyed at her blonde hair, or trying to demonstrate that Chinese kids have ADD as well. I on the other hand, have quiet, dutiful students and a nice mix of guys and gals, because I specifically requested NO martime students. The trouble for me is the common tendency of students to remain stone faced and stubbornly unwilling to talk unless called upon by their esteemed teacher. There are times that one wants to grab them by the collar and yell "Good God man, say something! anything that's not completely predictable and boring!" Thus, although I occasionally scowl at two boys in one of my classes for their ridiculous chosen English names of "X-Boy" and "Butcher", I must confess that they make class a little more interesting. Finding a lack of conformity in this culture, even in the form of class clown behavior can make class more rewarding. So while C is shouting over the din in her classes, I'm trying to stir the pot. One of my most recent efforts included rapping "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" to demonstrate the importance of speaking rhythm. Eminem is not impressed.

Despite our frustrations and the slight adjustment period, things are going better now. We've slipped back into the routine of lesson planning and dealing with the students as they are. Although I am not particularly thrilled about the teaching component of our adventure here, it's excellent for making me better on my feet and significantly less nervous about public speaking. So while my enthusiasm for the work itself may be reduced a bit, I am also much confident. On balance I would say things are better than last term. Knowing what you're doing to an extent makes it a lot easier.

In addition to feeling more comfortable, I am also teaching a Writing class for English majors. They can actually speak and write a good bit in that class and although I'm no English professor, I'm enjoying throwing new things at them. For example, in my first class we read Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-tale Heart", which is a charming story about a psychopath who kills an old man because he has a diseased eye. Horror stories exist in China of course, but Poe gets inside the mind of terrible people like no one else, so it was a little shocking to them. My second class we started using the book, which was written in the US and isn't half bad. Our first chapter is about the compare and contrast essay. To begin our practice, I had them describe pictures of a Dachshund and a Bassett Hound together with me in class. Next, we wrote basic sentences describing each dog breed, and finally we added transitional expresions such as "while", "although", "on the other hand", and so on. It sounds silly to use dogs for a compare and contrast essay, but I think it went rather well. They were probably just relieved that I didn't break out a Stephen King short story next. I found it amusing when a majority of students in the class described Doxies and Bassetts as "ridiculous looking". I also enjoyed when one girl said Bassett Hounds look "miserable". But of course they are. That's why we love them.

C - the lesser of two evils

A few months ago, I purchased an innocent-looking 10-pack of pocket-sized Kleenex®. I'd learned to carry at least one pack of tissues at all times during my first trip to China, because toilet paper in bathrooms (and napkins in restaurants, and papertowels next to sinks) are an extremely rare delicacy. I was horrified to learn, however, that each and every tissue in this 10-pack was perfumed, and not with good perfume, either. I am very sensitive to strong smells -- they can give me a headache nearly instantly -- so I relegated these tissues to the back of my closet to be used in case of emergency only.

Before we took off for Shanghai, I noticed that my purse was low on absorbant materials and threw several packs of the smelly tissues into my purse. I never removed the tissues from my purse when we returned to Dalian, and it actually came in handy today when I had to use a restroom on campus during a class break. The bathrooms on campus can be smelled from 30 feet in either direction, and I always try to avoid using them, but today I had to go somewhere right after class and was therefore forced to use them. And they smelled so awful that I was extremely thankful for the perfumed tissues, and gratefully held them up to my nose the entire time I was in the bathroom.

D - We're falling behind!

In my last two posts I forgot to express my concern about how the US is falling behind China in key areas. For example, as the photo below demonstrates, China is in the process of creating "advanced three-dimensional transportation networks"!!! In the US, we only have two-dimensional networks! You've heard of the missile gap from the Cold War, well now we have the dimensional transportation network gap...

Well I sure hope they make it 3-D because otherwise only people from Flatland could use it.

D - Rolex, anyone?

No, we haven't gotten into the fake rolex business I promise. But if you're looking for a good fake, I can tell you where to go. Stop by any one of Shanghai's classy tourist traps, and you'll be offered watches faster than you can say 不要 (that's Chinese for "go fly a kite" [which itself is my-mother-speak]). C, who has a better nature than most people I've met, is never one to be rude to anyone, even aggressive and annoying hawkers. Nonetheless, after awhile, even she put on the blinders and started pushing more quickly past the Shanghai entrepreneurs. I will say this for the salesmen - they use a colorful, laminated poster with pictures, as opposed to a guy in New York who would probably just open his jacket and have them hanging. Yes, inkjet technology has revolutionized the illegal goods market on the Shanghai streets. So if you're in Shanghai and you're heading for Nanjing Lu or the YuYuan Gardens, gird up to deal with China's tribute to street capitalism.

But I digress - Shanghai wasn't all bad. For one thing you can more styles of Western food there than anywhere else in China. C and I, knowing we were returning to Dalian where our only Western cuisine respites are KFC, McDonalds, and Pizza Hut (is that an unholy trinity or what) decided to take advantage of the food diversity. One evening we dined on spanish tapas at a lovely place called Azul Tapas. For lunch one day we had Japanese. Another night we hit TGI Friday's. And on the third night, and this feels like a confession even writing this - we went to Hooters. Yes, you read that correctly. Hooters is now in China. Upon discovering this fact during our initial day in the city during a walk in the Pudong district, I remarked to C that they might have trouble finding qualified applicants. After seeing the restaurant from afar initially, we resolved that we would not go there. The truth is, I'd never been to a Hooters restaurant in the US, let alone China, and I wanted to keep the streak alive. Our steadfastness was shaken by a craving for chicken wings (which Hooters is somewhat known for), and a lovely ad we saw in a taxi. In case you didn't spot it on our photo album, I am pasting it below:

The decision to go to Hooters was a joint one, I must add, a unified husband and wife choice. Perhaps you think I jest, but maybe you're not aware my wife is from the home of chicken wings (Buffalo, NY). How could she resist?

To be honest, Hooters was actually quite good. My chicken sandwich was excellent, the wings were good, and C's caesar salad was also quite tasty. The conversation with the waitress was also a highlight. They all spoke good english, and our server related how some American men explained the double entendre nature of the "Hooters" name. Apparently prior to his revelation, the Chinese girls working there thought the name was merely an innocent reference to a cute and friendly owl. They were a little taken aback but they didn't stage a walk out or anything. I guess the biggest culture clash for them was when some other Chinese came into the restaurant and asked them why they were wearing tight fitting tank tops and short shorts during the dead of winter.

Anyway, you haven't learned much about our trip to Shanghai in this post. That's okay, I'm getting to it. The truth is it's hard to summarize museums, exhibitions, and architecture which is what we primarily experienced. I would say our primary activity was walking around the city. Compared to most Chinese cities, there are a lot of interesting buildings left over from the European heyday, so it's enjoyable to take a stroll and enjoy the variety. There's even a hip section of town (Hengshan Lu) where trendy looking bistros, bars, and cafes coexist on tree lined streets.

In terms of cultural experience, we visited the Shanghai Museum which is filled with cultural artifacts from China's incredibly long history. That's interesting but 5 floors of old bronze pots and sculptures of Buddha eventually wears out its welcome. We also stopped in the Shanghai urban planning exhibition, which details Shanghai's transformation from backwater to modern metropolis. The exhibition was a self-congratulatory brouhaha essentially praising the wisdom of the government in how it has planned the city. There was however one redeeming feature of the exhibition: a full scale model of the entire city that filled a gigantic room. See our photo album towards the end for some examples. I wouldn't want to be the guy that tripped while they were putting the last tiny wooden skyscraper in the place. Finally, we also went to the Shanghai City Temple. We were there during the Spring Festival, and it seemed like everyone was in a traditional mood. People were burning incense to the ancestors, and they also would go up to the innumerable idols, er, statues in the temple, press their hands together as if to pray, and bow their heads for a moment. Coming from Christianity, it's strange sight. People here are so areligious as a whole, but once a year they certainly put on a performance to get the blessings of those who have gone before.

One final note on Shanghai before I sign off. If you're going to visit and you don't know anyone locally that can guide you to cheaper pastures, make sure your bring your wallet. The city is very expensive, more so than New York in many cases. The cultural attractions and so on are priced at a standard Chinese rate, but the restaurants and cafes are quite pricey!

D - Levitation without Meditation

C and I returned Friday night from a visit to Shanghai, in south central China. We arrived Tuesday morning and spent 3 nights and 4 days. From a pure tourist standpoint, that's too long for Shanghai. It has often been noted that up until the 20th century Shanghai was a tiny fishing village. Then, the decline of the Qing dynasty and its concessions to Western powers began radically transforming the city into a hub of commerce and banking for southeast Asia. Britain, France, and even the US setup various operations in the city. With the end of World War 2 and the rise of the Communists, the foreigners were kicked out of the country and Shanghai again became a quiet place (albeit with European architecture and buildings). In the next stage of Shanghai's history in the 1990s, the PRC's government chose Shanghai as a place to demonstrate the new power of China's opening economy. Billions have been invested turning Shanghai into a world class city. Thus while Beijing can be considered the cultural capital of the country with its Forbidden City and Heavenly Temple, Shanghai is China's economic stake in the post-modern world of the 21st century.

Perhaps most symbolic of Shanghai's most recent transformation is the Shanghai Transrapid Magnetic Levitation (maglev) train that runs from Shanghai Pudong International Airport to suburban Longyang station on the Shanghai Metro (subway in NYC terms). Maglev technology has been around for 60 years but there are few implementations of it. It allows for incredibly fast speeds but is currently extremely expensive to build. To China's undemocratic government however, cost is no barrier to demonstrating her entrance on the world stage. Like a model on the runway, China struts her stuff with all the confidence of the emperor's new clothes. As C observed on our trip, the maglev is a colossal waste of money - but it sure is fast. Reaching a top speed of 431 km/h (267 MPH), the maglev scorches the 30km distance in 7 minutes. Compare this to a Boeing 747 which needs a take-off speed of only 180 MPH. Despite my distaste for huge government projects (and China's heavy-handedness at pushing them through), I have to say that the technology itself is impressive. As a child, one of my favorite books was called "Trains". I loved the different kinds of cars and locomotives. To ride on something like the maglev (which I've read about longingly for years) was in many ways a dream come true. The train is fairly smooth at top speed, but getting there takes more vibration than I expected. Additionally, the train is rather loud while it's accelerating. It's not any louder than a jet engine during takeoff, but doesn't sound effortless. I should note that despite the adrenaline rush of traveling so fast, it's not particularly practical from location standpoint. Longyang Metro station is on the far east side of Shanghai in the Pudong development area, far from any tourist hotel. Once you arrive there, you need to take the Metro into the city, or a taxi to your hotel. We took the taxi, which was about 35 RMB to the Bund area. Cost wise however, depending on where your hotel is, the maglev may make sense. It's 40 RMB one way if you have a same-day airline ticket. Add in 30-40 RMB to your hotel and you're looking at 80 RMB. This is compared to a likely 140-150 RMB taxi ride if you go straight to the airport.

So without further ado - here are two crude videos I filmed while on the maglev. The first shows the train getting up to speed, and the second is a brief one showing the top speed of 431 km/h. No doubt if you have further interest in the subject you can search YouTube and get a more professional take.

Ramp-up:




Top Speed:



I will continue my thoughts on Shanghai in a future entry of IM. Don't forget to check out our web photo album for a sneak preview.